Practicing Unconditional Self-Love and Kindness
Kindness and compassion are often gestures that we grant to others, yet we usually don’t allow enough space for being kind and compassionate toward ourselves. Such a lack of self-love is a learned response, and it is based on the reactions we receive or perceive from those around us from the time we are born.
We come into this lifetime from a place of unconditional love and are thrown into the midst of a new reality which involves our needs emerging and uncomfortable things being experienced. From the moment we are born, we experience physical things like the bright lights in the delivery room, hunger, and other sensations and feelings that are new to us. And then we quickly learn that we must completely rely on others to alleviate these needs and discomforts! In those situations, we don’t understand that others have their own needs that need to be met, and it is not in their power to fulfill every experience of our own lack.
Our parents might do the best they can with what is given to them, but we experience the subconscious patterns of disconnect and lack of love pretty much from the beginning because our own ideas of self-worth and love are connected to the level of care we receive.
The more sensitive we are to that feeling of disconnect, the more likely we are to have - somewhere along the way - shut off a lot of our connection to our own truth as we have tried to fit into the ‘conditions’ that were put upon us by all of the social situations in which we’ve found ourselves. We grow up unconsciously operating from this vantage point and believe that it is normal. And let’s face it, it can be challenging in our society to hold a place of unconditional love for ourselves when so much is focused on the exterior and the standards of how we should look and behave.
The Importance of Allowing Grace for Ourselves
The idea of having unconditional self-love means a true acceptance and belief in the mindset that we are innately good and loved. Shifting our mindset into a knowledge that love will be present and abundant at all times regardless of the conditions around us will begin to get us out of the default trances in which we keep ourselves. The only way we truly experience this is when we fully integrate the Divine Love in and around us so that we experience life from this vantage point of receiving and basking in that love.
We judge ourselves harshly for even small things like a misspoken word or situations we feel we could have handled better. We also judge our bodies many times a day instead of appreciating the amazing vehicles they truly are as they carry us through this physical experience.
When I created the monthly theme of unconditional self-love last year in my membership, Beauty Flourishing, I realized just how deeply this subject touched the women. As we explored the elements of unconditional self-love together, I could see the profound struggle each of them was experiencing in this area. Through the vulnerability in sharing deep feelings of self-judgment, the women in our group showed me that they give more kindness to everyone else around them without ever extending it to themselves. Many expressed that they carry such heavy feelings of guilt for many life situations over which they had little to no control. The mothers in the group revealed that, while they can have feelings of unconditional love towards their children, they judge themselves mercilessly for their own imperfections.
The way this lack of unconditional self-love can then manifest is in feelings of anxiety and even depression, as well as an overall lack of self-care. For example, overeating or overindulging in things that are not healthy for us might be something we lean toward just to ‘fill the void’.
For my course, Awaken Your Life, I dedicated an entire module to healing this aspect through meditations, energetic techniques, crystal grids, and frequencies because I realized that we cannot move into a self-empowered state until this has been addressed on the deepest level.
Moving Past the Hurt and Self-Judgement
How can you start the process of moving past harsh thoughts and feelings of guilt you may carry and bring in more unconditional self-love? It all begins with a broader perspective.
If we can understand that this lifetime is truly just one tiny aspect of the whole vastness our soul experiences - it is not even a second in our timeline - we will move through our physical experience with this higher awareness and a much bigger point of view.
Each unique soul did not incarnate into this reality expecting perfection. It came in expecting challenges and opportunities for growth, learning, expanding, loving, and sharing. By the same token, our children have chosen their life situations and us as their parents in order to fulfill their own purpose. They did not come here because it was going to be always easy and perfect; they came for contrast, as well.
This quote from one of my favorite books informs us in such a beautiful way that God always holds a space of unlimited love and capacity for us. Our illusionary experiences in this realm never taint the pureness of the Source of All of which we are a part.
With this more enlightened perspective, we come to the realization that we do not show up to be perfect. We are here to be, to experience, to grow, and to learn.
Appreciate your body for the beauty that it truly is with its 37 trillion cells working in harmony together every day for you to have this experience! There is truly so much wellness, well-being, and cooperation within you that is meant to be expressed outwardly.
If this is something that resonates with you, I invite you to consciously observe your self-talk for any negativity or lack of compassion this week and consider doing some of the exercises below.
Exercises to Induce Unconditional Self-Love
One exercise I love to do is to put my hands over my High Heart Chakra, connect with Mother Earth and with Source from above, and bring the combined energies into that space of my heart and expand them out into my body first and then into the rest of my energy field.
Do this guided Heart Meditation at least once a day for the next 7 days. It is a powerful tool which can profoundly shift your experience when done regularly.
In the same way, you can regularly chant the mantra, “Aham Prema” It comes from the Sanskrit, aham meaning “I,” and prema meaning “love” or “affection.” In its extended form, this can be interpreted as “I am Divine Love”. Mantras are repeated silently or aloud for their powerful sound vibrations, which are thought to affect prana, Life Force energy. With this practice, you can bring more grace, kindness, and compassion into your heart to start shifting your viewpoint.
There is More Than Enough Love to Go Around
Consider this: If you were the person that you love the most - your best friend, your children, your sibling, or your spouse - would you talk to any of them in the negative ways you speak to yourself? Would you hold those judgemental thoughts towards them? Well, it’s time to stop doing that to yourself.
Remember...you are part of the Divine in human form! Loving and caring for yourself is honoring that!
Make it a priority starting today to allow more grace and compassion into your thoughts coming from a point of truly loving kindness. Maybe even write some notes to yourself like, “I love myself!” and post them next to your bathroom mirror and other places to encourage appreciation for the magnificent being that you are.
Enjoy the process. Enjoy being here. Fill your heart with love, and expand that outward into all aspects of your life.
You are magnificent, you are brilliant, you are radiant, and you are here!
Sending you lots of love and compassion,